Parenting is the hardest thing to do. Once you become a parent, you carry a responsible role that doesn’t go away until you’re alive.
A parent is the most important person in the child’s life through life and growing up. They are the first introduction of a child with society, with how everything works, how to handle life and how to behave towards other people and situations in life.
It is why is essential for the role of a parent to be aware, how your child understands and behaves, how he learns, because not every child is the same.
Every word or action you do is wired up in the child’s brain and it becomes a pattern or behavior he will develop in the future as an adult as well.
Here are the things you may never say to your child, if you don’t want to ruin his/her life.
First of all – Never compare your child with others, because every single person on Earth is a very specific being with their own distinctive personality traits.
“Stop crying right now”
Though you feel annoyed when you don’t actually know what is the reason your child is crying, you should never act nervous and say this phrase. In that way, a child will think you are not letting him to be emotional and suppressing emotions is a very difficult manner that will result with many problems in the further life.
“You are not (good, strong, smart…) enough”
Ask yourself, how are you going to react to this, even though you’re an adult? Anger, resentment, a wish to show off, fury… And you will feel that way even though you’re an adult, and even though those words are coming from the mouth of a colleague, a partner, a friend… If you tell this to your child, he won’t stop loving you, but he will think you don’t love them back and will have great disappointment that follows in their life. You will take a great matter of happiness away from your child.
“I am disappointed in you”
This is probably the most often phrase a parent could use to make a point their child did something wrong. Like we said, every child has a different personality, and some children who have a strong sense of guilt, will have opposite effects when they hear this phrase, after doing something wrong. Always let your child know that you’re there for him to talk and understand, not to punish and quarrel.
“Big girls/boys don’t get scared”
Is there possibly any right way or situation to say this phrase? No. Even you get scared. We all have our fears and that’s why we stay together with people who love us, support and understand us to overcome and outgrow our fears. Don’t make your child think that no one in this world gets scared or has emotions. Ever!
“You’re a bad/naughty kid”
Saying this phrase may trigger a feeling of belonging to some other group of children, the bad outlaws, who don’t deserve good things in life. Many wrong things can happen if a child starts to believe he/she’s bad, but actually wanting to be good is not one of those things.
“You are worthless”
This is the phrase that will put your child in long hours of therapy and bad relationships and friendly surroundings for the rest of his life. Why? Because he/she will put up with everything miserable and wrong his/her surrounding environment would do to him. If you say this to your child, you’re making him worthless and to seek approval and chances from irrelevant people in his life.
“You are fat”
Do you want your kid to be on diets, pills and drugs when he/she grows up? Try other methods of giving your child an example to eat good and healthy food, and just give time, because your child is still developing and even you don’t know how he/she will turn out after the development period. Also, do you want to be the parent that teaches the child that looks are the only thing that matters in life?
“I do everything for you”
If you say this and really think that, you are the one that needs help in life. Because you consciously decided to take care of a child and have one, your child never had to make a decision like this. Of course that you do everything for your child… love them and struggle with life in a different manner instead of spitting it out on your children.